"Behaviors".
I read a well-meaning person, a "tutor" (which, in my experience, and in accordance to the discussion in the post and in others, really means "non-certified ABA therapist") write about one of her charges, one of the autistic children that she works with on a daily basis. This child had caused her harm. He had bit her when they went to the park, and I don't know the circumstances behind that, and I don't know what happened before and after, but she wrote the phrase "Behaviors suck."
Really?
Instead of, I don't know, doing what so many of us are taught to do, to put ourselves in the other person's shoes, she chose not to. She chose to chalk it up to this kid being bad, with no understanding of any reason why he may have behaved in such a way.
Autistic people commented on her post, and explained to her some possible reasons why he would have behaved that way. We explained that her behavior of taking him to the park, wanted or not, indirectly caused his behavior, which was biting his tutor. We didn't excuse his behavior. We didn't say that she was wrong for feeling physical and emotional pain because of that. We simply asked her to consider another point of view.
And that was deemed as an "attack".
When I was 12 years old, I spent one summer day indoors at the allergist's office. Back in those days (1993), my parents and grandparents believed that my problem was either allergy related or vitamin deficiency related. In those days, Asperger's didn't exist, and autism wasn't a diagnosis often given to people who could talk, at least not where I lived. That same year, I had been diagnosed with ADHD, but they didn't really believe it for a long time, so I saw an allergist.
Well, that day was long. There were a lot of people in the waiting room. The lights were overwhelming. I had just come back from lunch, and someone was wearing some really off-putting perfume. I couldn't focus on anything much. We were called back, and I did not want to go. I tried to express that verbally, but that didn't work. I tried to explain I needed to get out of there, and not because I was afraid of needles. Not because I didn't want all the help I could get. But because it was all too much. Still, my mother wouldn't listen. So I hit her. Did I feel bad about that? Of course I did. We've discussed this incident since then, and I think she understands more now than she did. But I was an autistic person who tried to communicate in a way that my neurotypical parent could understand, and she ignored it. So I communicated in a way that I knew how, and yes, nowadays, that would be considered a "Behavior" and I'd have a negative reinforcement applied were I in ABA therapy.
Again, behavior is communication.
Why is it so difficult to understand that when our behavior is ignored, when our attempts at nonverbal communication is ignored, we will do whatever we possibly can do in order to get the message out?
Why is it more important that a child do something they do not want to do than respecting their autonomy? Why do we not respect a child's right to say no? We advocate for them to say no to a good number of things (drugs, sex, etc), but the lack of control an autistic person has over their own body, their own decisions is appalling in many situations.
Listen to your kids. Listen to the autistic people in your lives. If you are a therapist of any type, a "professional" in the world of autism, I charge you with this -- listen to what autistic people, even those who have no children or have never worked with children have to say. Likely we will have some insight into why a person would react a certain way in that situation.
**I do not advocate for ABA therapy, though I understand that a lot of things that didn't use to fall under ABA now do, and it is not all equal. I don't think any child needs as much as doctors often advocate for, and while it has certain merits (like breaking tasks into small pieces and working step by step), in many ways, ABA is extremely harmful. Read more here.
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