Who are you really fighting for? (tw: medical abuse, Torture, murder, ableism)

I've been thinking lately about the way that we frame autism and especially how we do so when it comes to tragedy and abuses toward autistic folks. It's never ending, this string of murders and abuse and attempted murders of autistic people. There was Alex Spourdalakis, then Issy Stapleton (who gratefully survived her mother's attempt on her life ). Then there was Jaelen and Faith Edge.

Many people, activists in their own right, chose one of two options. They either tried to use the "parents were stressed" excuse, thereby creating an even more difficult world for those among us who do have mental illnesses (because if they just snapped, we could too). Or they're entirely silent. The first I understand on an intellectual level in that we are always trying to find an answer as to why (we know why - autistic people are dehumanized and reduced to a set of behaviors, rather than treated like individuals and people). The second baffled me until now. Why were feminists especially so silent when it came to autistic people, especially women and our rights to bodily autonomy?

The case of Kade Hanegraaf finally put this into perspective for me (this, by the way, is the autistic teenager who also has Tourette's whose vocal cords were cut to stop vocal stimming / "screaming"). It's because feminists don't see us as fully human. Oh.

Feminists would rather sympathize with a mother than with an autistic girl such as Issy who has been abused and nearly murdered by her mother. Because the mother's mental health is more important than an autistic person's life and right to bodily autonomy. Because consent doesn't tend to matter if a person can't speak.

I am angry. This is what intersectionality is about. You aren't fighting for equal rights if you won't go to bat for trans women, for women of color and for disabled/autistic women. You aren't fighting for everyone's right to not have changes to their body made without their consent (and in this case, it appears for the convenience of the parents) if you won't go to bat for an autistic child who had their vocal cords cut. Where is the coverage on how he feels? It's nonexistent.

It makes me angry that this surgery is illegal to perform on dogs (it's called debarking), but is legal for an autistic kid. It makes me terrified for Kade that his ability to scream has been taken away, that a person who is part of a group that is  already prone to being abused now has less of an ability to express a "no" in a way that gets attention.

That should bother you. That we go to bat for parents, and mostly mothers, and sympathize with their stress, but don't worry too much about autistic kids and their feelings, even when they're girls or teenage women.

Sometimes, I Just Can't Words (tw: Autistic Murder, Torture, Therapy)

Even my inner English major is cringing at that title. But really, there is little else that explains within its very nature how elusive words have been for me. Ordinarily, I'd be posting walls of text in various corners of the Internet, but I've found over the last few months a little short on communication ability, verbal or text based. It's frustrating. You'd think that the older I get, the easier my coping methods would become. Well, while they are all quite practiced, my coping methods aren't all that effective as I'd like them to be. It's been a rough few months. I lost a friend. I found out that my family's future is going to change very soon (with my husband leaving the Navy in just two weeks now). And of course, a lot has happened in the autism world to shake us all. We have new names to add to our dead. We thankfully, won't be adding Issy Stapleton to that list, despite the attempt made on her life by someone who supposedly loved her dearly. I've become frustrated with those who venture into Aspie elitism and who make disparaging remarks about the "low functioning" among us, as though functioning labels really were worthwhile and meant something in the first place. I've become frustrated with parents of autistic children (who I refuse to call "Autism Parents" because I feel like that is an appropriation from autistic people, especially autistic people who are parents), who claim that there's a divide in the "autism community" after the murder of Alex and the attempted murder of Issy. There is no divide. You won't find autistic people attempting to justify murder. You won't find us asking for more services. You will find us asking for the media to care more about the murdered or nearly murdered autistic teenager than about how "violent" they supposedly are/were (after the parent put them through torturous and/or abusive therapy, some not even medically warranted). I've had too many thoughts and emotions invading my mind and I'm both emotionally and physically exhausted. Please forgive me for the radio silence and in the meantime, listen. Forget about how angry you think a person is, and how blunt their message might be. Think about how far we have to go for understanding, acceptance and accommodation/access. Think about Issy. George. Alex. The people who are tortured daily at the Judge Rotenberg Center. Then tell me I'm being divisive.